The Daily Struggle: My Hair
How many of you HATE cutting your hair? This is something that I hate having done. I know I need a trim, but I will do everything in my power to avoid having this done. My dead ends are as stiff as a witches broom. You could stuff a scarecrow with these straw tips. Moral of the story is that I get freaked out when I need to put my trust in someone with a pair of scissors.
The last time that I had my hair trimmed was in March. My hair grows really fast, but it also dies really fast. My dead ends have dead ends. Some may call it laziness, but I call it fear. I find that every time I get my haircut it is never what I ask for. When I say an inch, I MEAN AN INCH - NOT TWO. They always try to pull the “I was just getting rid of all the dead hair”. No, I don’t want you to get rid of all the dead hair if it exceeds the one-inch mark.
I probably sound so dramatic, but it is just that my hair is my security blanket. I play with it when I am nervous and anxious. My fear of it being short is that I will not be able to cover my body as much. My hair is my shield. That is the real reason why losing even an inch of it is so hard for me. There are times that I just chop it off. It takes a lot for me to get to that point. Usually a mid-life crisis. However, I see all these women with adorable haircuts and I can’t help but want to chop my hair off like that too.
It all goes back to my hair just being a blanket to hide my insecurities. I was always told growing up that I looked bigger when I had short hair. That is something that has stuck with me and something that affects me to this day. If I want my hair short, I should be able to cut my hair short and not worry about if you think I look fat or not. Things that you are told when you are younger really do affect you as you get older, even if they are in your subconscious.
We had an event over the weekend that was all about self-care and body love. During this event, one of the girls in attendance shared that her mother used to say that she was fatter than her. Another girl shared that her first boyfriend told her that she looked ugly with her hair in a ponytail. These hurtful things said to these women at such a young age has affected them even to this day. However, both of these women no longer allow those negative words to hold them back. The one girl embraces her body, and the other looks AMAZING in a ponytail (I know this because she wore one to the event).
Hearing that these women were able to overcome the insecurities that were forced on them at a young age was very inspiring. I still want long hair, but that is a choice for me. What I want to be able to do is stop the anxiety and fear that comes along with the thought of getting my hair cut. Stopping the thoughts of being called fat or looking bigger. The first step is just facing the fear and not worrying about what others think. How you view yourself is much more important than a few negative comments. These women taught me that.
What are some insecurities that you face in your life? Did someone ever say something hurtful to you that you carried with you into adulthood? These are not easy things to talk about, but they are important. We need to provide support for each other. This is an open space to speak about these issues. Chances are you are not alone.